I had a dream about a life that made sense.
What if we woke up with chemically balanced brains? Her thick eye brows were everything. She thought she could do better.. But she really couldn’t.
He sang her a lullaby late at night so she’d fall asleep. Nobody saw where they hid their hearts. And no one knew what they’d whisper in each other’s ears.
It all made little sense.
Her back reflected flowers off of it as she walked away from him. It looked like spring has passed right through her body. She wanted to wait but he told her that nothing would happen and that she should keep on walking.
So she did.
She belonged to herself before she could be his.
All the arrows directed them to the right and so they followed..
I’m engaging in a conversation with this pyramid. I’m teaching it how to be numb. “It is okay, it’s okay; it’s okay,” I waited for it to pick up on what I meant. “.. until it is not of course.”
The sand looked like millions of coins shining and waiting to be picked up. And so I did. I threw each one of them in the Trevi.
I wished that I would belong to no one but myself.
Why couldn’t they know what would happen tomorrow?
You saw it too, didn’t you?
The black cloud existed around my head and theirs?
It followed us around. It followed me around.
I offered it everything I had so it would let go of me but it didn’t. It came out every end of a day and laid beside me as if it belonged to my bed.
I remember that I got up and crossed my legs trying to not mess up the nail polish that I’ve just put on my toes.
I stared at the cloud so it would get frightened and walk away but it didn’t. It knew no boundaries and it felt no guilt.
It was a disorder of an illusion that I’ve once had of myself a long forgotten time ago. It was an illusion of an image where trees stood high and black against the peach and purple background which looked like a sky.
Photo: Lumen Church, London. June 2015